hi.
everything's starting to fall apart. again. i don't know where to start. i just feel scared. i feel sad. like i always am. i don't know if i should be okay. i am lost. again. the nikki who's strong, has a lot of courage, and confidence. the nikki who knows her worth. she's almost gone. again. i am losing myself. i know what i want and need.
am i really a bad partner? alam ko sobrang hirap kong i-handle. alam kong i get different moods, like every hour it changes. i am trying. i am trying not to be controlling bcs i know it's bad. but sometimes, i just really don't want things to go out of place. i care too much that i tend to control. i don't want to be hurt again that i tend to control.
pagod na rin ako. pagod na ako that i cant be needy, weak, and sad. pagod na ako to receive hate and curses. sa lahat, sya lang ang naka-trato sa akin. someone who even wished me dead. really? i am that bad?
can everything just stop and restart? or can i just really die? i don't want to live a life this miserable anymore. the only reason i am keeping myself alive is the future im dreaming of which is also again starting to fall apart.
i am back again in a state where i am at my weakest, and even myself can't back me up anymore. i have nobody. friends- wala. boyfriend- wala. family- wala. sarili ko- wala. fuck this life. if there's one thing he's right, that's prolly not just one but everything.
ayoko na, lord. sukong-suko na ako sa buhay ko. can u just make my life shorter? please.
