10162020

hi blog, it's been almost a year since I've started this.

a lot of things happened.

the contents I want to post in here are now kind of at least the opposite of what I posted before.

last year, we were not able to celebrate this day. 

so I would like to share my thoughts here on what I am feeling right now.

it was not easy, to come into this day. it has been a long crazy ride. 

but I want to dedicate this blog and day to my home, him.

8 years ago since I knew him.

he is this boy looking down and out from their classroom. his classmates would say "Nikki, crush ka raw ni nino" and then he'll go back in the room (maybe because he's shy hahaha) 

he likes all my posts on Facebook and who the heck knows what he did aside from that!

everything was just like that we did not know each other bcoz we don't even say hi hahaha until 8th grade.

but everything changes in 9th grade...

the boy I only used to pass by before became my friend...

we text, message and even video call each other...

then... I don't know how did I even fell in love without him trying.

8 years after, today, in the year of 2020

he is still the guy I want to spend my life with- the same feelings and dreams I had since I began loving him. 

to babe, 

you are such an amazing person! I know I do not even show a lot, but I am very much proud of you and what you are now. We might always fight, but I would rather lose all those arguments than lose you again. (Alam ko sasabihin mo "weehhh hindi naman", alam mo, napaka epal mo talaga!)

there are things that I dislike about you, but I love you with all your flaws.

I will stick with you throughout your whole life, ups and downs.. left and right haha! 

but seriously, no words can express how much I love you, I would never get tired of loving you.

happy 73 months and counting!

041120

hi blog

Kakatapos lang namin mag-usap, and I bursted - the things that kept running into my mind for the past weeks and days.

Hindi ako nagagalit sa kanya o sa kanila kaya sumabog ako. Pero alam mo ung reason is the fear na hindi nanaman ako piliin nya, the fear of crashing all the dreams we've built together.  Lahat, natatakot akong mawala sya, ulit, sobra sobra.

That's why I'm preparing myself for that. Handa na ulit akong mawasak at umiyak. Pero sana hindi, lord lab mo ko dibaaa? 

Ugh ewan ko ba.

040420

Good evening blog.

Nakita ko lang ung story ng kapatid nya. Tapos, naalala ko ung birthday ko. Ung kala ko wala sya, tas sinurprise ako ng loko pocha nakauwi na pala ng pinas hnggg!! Pero imbis na mainis ako non, nilamon ako ng kilig. Hanggang ngayon na inaalala ko yon kinikilig parin ako. Alam kong wala syang kasweetan, but when he makes his own move putangina para akong lalamunin ng lupa. Now, I've realized that I should not push him to be like this and that, because he has his own ways.

I had the best man. He always is. Tuwing sinasabi nya na sino ba naman sya para sakin, gusto kong sabihin na sobra sobra pa sya. Hindi ko man laging nasasabi or naeexpress sa kanya yon, pero I could not see anyone better than him. HE'S A TREASURE. He is more than what he thinks he is.

I love him, for every second of my life since September 16, 2014.

290320

Henlo im back

These past months had been really difficult.
Most probably because I know I've hurt people. I've hurt them for being careless, insensitive and indecisive.

I can say that I am lucky to have people who love and take me seriously. Pero di ko mapigilan lokohin ung sarili ko for what I really feel. It still belongs to the same person, and I know it would always be.
Di ko kayang lokohin and paasahin sila because this is always his.

And am I too selfish to choose kung saan at kanino ba talaga ako magiging masaya? Im sorry if I chose myself pero para sa inyo rin yun, you guys deserve more and someone who truly loves you. I'm sorry.
That's why even I know that I'll hurt you real bad, it would hurt worse kapag pinatagal ko pa.

This 2020, I am trying to be better not only for him but for myself. So that I can assure him when time might come that it was all worth it.

MINSAN LANG TAYO MABUHAY, AND ALL OF US DESERVES HAPPINESS WE ALL WANT SO IM CHOOSING MINE.

Ayaw kong dumating ung araw na hihilingin ko na sana pwede pa. Gusto kong itake ung time na 'to para di ko pagsisihan sa huli na pinipilit kong mahalin ung taong di ko kayang mahalin.